#trust30–goals and fear

I don’t know how it is I stopped blogging. I was doing so well too! As i mentioned, consistency is a struggle for me. Ready for fear and goals:

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Assignment:

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Write down a major life goal you have yet to achieve or even begin to take action on. For each goal, write down three uncertainties (read: fears) you have relating to each goal. Break it down further, and write down three reasons for each uncertainty. When you have three reasons for your fear, you’ll be able to start processing the change because you know where the fear stems from. Now you’ll be able to make a smaller changes that push you towards your larger goal. So begins the process of “trusting yourself.”

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To be consistent, I’ll stick with my goal of financial independence. The fear comes from not believing it’s possible, thinking it’ll never work so why try, thinking I’ll be overwhelmed by the process.

These have kept me a state of relative fiscal immaturity. Applying self compassion and curiosity to each step is helping immensely.

I’ve started a bit of affiliate marketing and expanded my potential field of copywriting clients. And I figured out where I am financially–a big step.

Onward!

#trust30–possibilities.

The world buzzes about goals and visions. Focus. Create a vivid picture of exactly where you want to go. Dream big, then don’t let anything or anyone stop you. . . .Consistent daily action is only a virtue when bundled with a willingness to remain open to the unknown.

In this exercise, look at your current quest and ask, “What alternative opportunities, interpretations and paths am I not seeing?” They’re always there, but you’ve got to choose to see them.

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I’m not sure about this. I definitely try to be open to new possibilities. My usual problem is coming up with w-a-y too many possibilities. That’s as limiting as not seeing any. I struggle with finding that happy medium.

#trust30–Surprise myself!

Assignment: Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself.  How will you surprise yourself this week?

I’ll be consistent. Not my strong point. Funny how much trouble I can avoid if I’m consistent.

I’ll whimper and whine to myself, “How do I get organized?” The answer that keeps coming up from deep inside is “Be consistent, idiot.”

It’s not my nature, but it’s my gut level answer. There’s a war going on deep inside!

#trust30–talk back to fear.

Assignment: Is fear holding you back from living your fullest life and being truly self expressed? Put yourself in the shoes of the you who’s already lived your dream and write out the answers to the following:

Is the insecurity you’re defending worth the dream you’ll never realize? or the love you’ll never venture? or the joy you’ll never feel?

Will the blunder matter in 10 years? Or 10 weeks? Or 10 days? Or 10 minutes?

Can you be happy being anything less than who you really are?

Now Do. The Thing. You Fear.

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I used financial independence in earlier response to #trust30 prompts, and it’s getting to seem more and more real, actually possible. Not just win the lottery possible, but something I can cause to happen.

So I’m talking to the future me–financially independent and living the good life. With a new set of problems, because life always gives those. A new set of problems would be a lot of fun.

Was the insecurity I was defending, the subsequent joy that almost didn’t happen, the dream that was almost not realized because I was defending that insecurity with all I had–was it worth it?

No. Even from this side that’s an easy answer.

When I manage do be proactive with my finances, ask someone for advice, talk to a creditor, make tough decisions, I feel terrific! The rest of the day is  a piece of cake. And that’s well before anything that even looks like financial independence. That’s just making routine decisions to manage my money.

In fact I’m seldom proactive in this area. I simply let deadlines make my decisions for me. I hate this stuff. I go through all kinds of angst. It’s wrapped up in letting people down, not meeting my own expectations, feeling inadequate, afraid I’ll make the wrong decision.

So when I do make a decision, one that’s not forced on me, one that I plan and act as if I’m in charge of my own life, I feel like I’ve been through the wars. And celebration is called for!

So clearly my insecurity is not worth it. But it’s sure at cellular level.

Intellectualizing about this angst is interesting and gives me some self-talking points. But it’s got to be dealt with where it resides, in my emotions. More angst!

#trust30–divine idea?

Assignment: Write down in which areas of your life you have to overcome these suicidal tendencies of imitation, and how you can transform them into a newborn you – one that doesn’t hide its uniqueness, but thrives on it. There is a “divine idea which each of us represents” – which is yours?

I’m not sure about this one. The one idea that’s resonated with me all my life is that we all belong, and that if I can put things in context, then that becomes easily apparent. The world needs us all.

That’s my idea. Now how I can use that for a “newborn” me is not clear. In fact I think I need to work on the question, not the answer! I’ll have to get back to the world on this one.

#trust30–my message to the world

Today’s assignment: What is burning deep inside of you? If you could spread your personal message RIGHT NOW to 1 million people, what would you say?

Trust yourself. Stand your ground, speak your truth. You have a right to be here.

Too scary…

Assignment: Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.

Along the lines of a big, bold goal, which for me was financial independence, my “too scary” thing is organizing my finances. Bills get paid, mostly on time. Money comes in to cover them. That’s about a full description of my financial life right now.

So what I’m going to do, and I’ve started, is to find out where I am, a snapshot of my finances today.

Then decide what I really want to spend money on. Right now, I see an online subscription that sounds interesting, and I sign up for it. And let it run even if I’m not using it. This is not a good use of my funds!

I do better at the grocery store, maybe because it’s real stuff I’m buying. So it takes real money!

If someone asked my advice of their current financial situation, I think I could provide some sensible answers. And the scattergun approach to online subscriptions would be my first comment! I can’t get my mind around the fact that I don’t have a sensible approach even though I know what one looks like in my mind.

It’s another example in my life of good thinking and either no action or passive action. I just let things happen in some areas of my life. I act like  an observer, not like a participant, in my own life.

Then next on the list is to come up with a plan for a day to day spending, paying bills, and saving.

For right now those three things are a lot.

I’m on my way to financial independence!

Day 4 revisited.

This was post-it note day. My question to think on for 48 hours was How do I get from thinking to action?

What’s clear is that fear, of doing it wrong, of being overwhelmed, of the unknown, is keeping me from taking action almost all the times this happens. And it seems to happen quite often.

So far I’ve written down occasions that I’ve stayed with the fear and that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, just kept putting one foot in front of the other, or one word after another.

And come out the other side with experience and knowledge and a notch on my six shooter. Or a notch up for my intestinal fortitude.

I’ll revisit the post-it note next week. It’s a really critical issue for me. I suspect I won’t have much in the way of aha moments. But it’s good to make clear to myself, gather together the information I do have about the challenge. And see where that takes me.

Hopefully it takes me from thinking to action!

5 years.

Assignment: What would I say to myself of five years ago. What would I say to the me of five years hence.

• Five years ago: What a lot of things you have on your to do list. And amazing–they’re the same ones I have on my to do list. And I’m five years older. Fitness, finances, career, family. The only one I see I’ve  done is play softball. Whoopee–cross one off the list.
• Five years in the future: Hey cool, you’ve got an almost new and different to do list. And you’ve gone to Machu Picchu too! Well done, girl! I’m proud of you.

Be bold.

Today’s assignment:

Today, let’s take a step away from rational thought and dare to be bold. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to accomplish but have been afraid to pursue? Write it down. Also write down the obstacles in your way of reaching your goal. Finally, write down a tangible plan to overcome each obstacle.

I have so many to choose from! I’ve picked financial freedom, among other reasons because it would facilitate so many other goals.

The obstacles, surprisingly to me, were mostly mental, especially fear and inconsistency. The others like lack of knowledge and lack of experience are fairly easy to tackle. Not easy to do necessarily, but easy to know what to do–where to get the schooling and the experience.

So I’m off to financial independence, dancing down the yellow brick road.